Navigating the Holidays as a New Mom: Self-Compassion Tips for the Postpartum Phase
Let’s just be real for a second: the holidays as a new mom can feel like absolute chaos. Between the sleepless nights, the feeding schedules, and the unsolicited advice from every family member you didn’t ask, it’s a lot. And that’s before you even think about wrapping a single gift or showing up at anyone’s dinner table.
Everyone tells you this is “the most wonderful time of the year,” but when you’re postpartum, it’s more like “the most overwhelming time of the year.” Your body is still recovering, your hormones are everywhere, and your baby’s needs never stop. Meanwhile, the world expects you to show up to every event like you’ve got it all together: hair brushed, baby in a cute holiday onesie, and a smile plastered on your face.
Spoiler alert: you don’t have to have it all together. You’re allowed to be a hot mess and still be a good mom.
Give Yourself Permission to Not Do It All
The holidays come with this unspoken pressure to do everything: host, bake, shop, attend, smile, repeat. But here’s the truth: your only real job right now is to take care of yourself and your baby. That’s it. If putting up the tree feels like too much, skip it. If you’d rather order food than cook, do it. If you need to stay home in pajamas instead of traveling, that’s allowed. You don’t earn your worth by doing more (and it certainly isn’t measured by how juicy your turkey is or how color coordinated your home is). If someone doesn’t understand that, let them be confused. You’re not responsible for managing other people’s expectations, especially when you’re already managing midnight feedings and emotional rollercoasters.
Ask For Help (And Believe People When They Offer It)
I know this one’s hard. Asking for help can feel like admitting defeat or weakness, especially when you’ve been trying so hard to prove to yourself that you’ve got this. But here’s something I ask every new mom I work with: if the hardest thing you can do is ask (or accept) help, then wouldn’t that be a true testament of strength?
If someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” take them up on it. Ask your partner to take a feeding shift so you can sleep more than two hours in a row. Let your mom or sister come over to fold laundry while you shower in peace. And when someone asks, “Do you need me to pick up anything?” or “Can I take baby so you can get ready?”, take a deep breath and then respond. Typically, our automatic reaction is to perform ‘okay-ness’ and dismiss help. Take a step back and really consider what you might need. And when your inner voice says, “They can’t do it the way I do,” try to remember that “different” doesn’t mean “wrong.” Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your baby is let them be loved by someone other than you.
Silence The Inner Critic
That little voice that says, “You should be enjoying this,” “You’re not doing enough,” or “Other moms have it together”? She’s lying. Motherhood, especially postpartum, is not meant to look perfect. It’s meant to be lived. Messy, beautiful, painful, and real. When that critical voice pipes up, try responding with compassion instead of judgment. Think, “Of course I’m overwhelmed. I’m learning how to be someone’s whole world while remembering who I am.” Self-compassion doesn’t mean you ignore your struggles. It means you meet them with softness instead of shame.
You Set the Pace During Family Gatherings
If you decide to see family this holiday season, remember that you set the tone for what’s okay. You can say:
“Please wash your hands before holding the baby.”
“We’re limiting visitors today.”
“Can I let you know by DATE.”
You’re not being rude; you’re being responsible. And when someone offers parenting advice that makes you want to scream into a pillow, take a slow breath, smile politely, and remember: you don’t have to absorb it.
Remember: You’re Doing Enough
If all you do this holiday season is keep your baby fed, safe, and loved, that’s more than enough. The postpartum phase is a season of becoming: becoming a mother, a protector, and eventually, yourself again. You’re not failing, you’re adjusting. And when in doubt, all that you are doing is actually not for your baby – they won’t remember it. When you find yourself overcommitting, overfunctioning, and overextending yourself, know that it is likely to uphold or maintain an outdated you or society has of you. So, take it one day at a time. Eat something warm. Ask for help. And when in doubt, repeat after me: “I am enough, even when I don’t feel like it” because you are.
Reclaim Your Energy & Joy in Motherhood
Don’t fear this holiday season. If the demands of motherhood have left you feeling drained and unsure where to turn, I’m here to help. Together, we can create space for you to breathe, heal, and thrive, so you can show up for your family and yourself with renewed energy. Follow the steps below to get started:
Schedule a consultation today to start your journey out of burnout and into balance.
Learn more about burnout recovery by reading my blogs here.
Discover how burnout therapy can help you reclaim your sense of joy in motherhood.
Other Services I Offer Anywhere in New York
Along with helping women navigate motherhood, I provide a variety of specialized services to support you through different stages of life. Whether you're seeking help with postpartum and pregnancy challenges, women’s therapy, family planning, burnout therapy, or infertility support, I’m here to offer guidance and care every step of the way. Together, we can work toward creating balance and fostering well-being in your life.
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based licensed psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction and parent burnout. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor’s and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
