Why Saying ‘No’ Is the Superpower You Didn’t Know You Had
How often have you said “yes” when your whole body was screaming “no”? Whether it’s another work task, a weekend obligation, or just one more thing added to your already full plate, the pressure to be agreeable, helpful, and accommodating is real, especially for women.
We’re often taught that our value lies in being easy to get along with. That being “nice” is more important than being honest. That saying “no” makes us difficult, selfish, or ungrateful. But here’s the truth: Saying “no” is not a flaw – it’s a superpower (and you wouldn’t be struggling with it if it were easy). And the more you practice it, the more freedom, clarity, and peace you’ll create in your life.
Saying “No” Protects Your Time, Energy, and Sanity
Every “yes” is a commitment—of your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth. And when you’re constantly overcommitting, you start to feel drained, resentful, and disconnected from yourself and those around you. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you’re rude or unreliable. It means you’re honoring your limits. And guess what? That’s not selfish—it’s smart. How many times have you said “yes” and dropped the ball only to realize that if you had been honest with yourself and that other person from the beginning, you would have saved your sanity, they would have asked someone else, and you both wouldn’t be sitting there frustrated at one another? If we’re being honest here, it has happened more times than you’d like to admit.
Saying ‘no” also gives you the opportunity to learn that your relationships (i.e., friendships, romantic relationships, friendships, etc) exist outside of being ‘useful’ to others. Feeling needed and relied upon can help you feel strong and wanted by your community and it can quickly turn into your sole identity. If you say “no” and people still want relationships with you, then that would mean that there is something about you that people may have been attracted to all along (and saying ‘yes’ was a plus). If this feels like a hard pill to swallow, then schedule a session with a therapist such as myself today to unpack this.
You Can Say “No” Without Over-Explaining Yourself
One of the biggest hurdles to saying no is the belief that we have to justify it. That we need an airtight excuse or that people won’t understand unless we go into detail. But here’s your permission slip: You are allowed to say “no” without explaining. Full stop. You can play around with different phrases to see which ones feel most like you. Here’s some to try this week:
“I am not available for that. Thank you for thinking of me.”
“No.”
“I won’t be available for [insert event]. Best of luck!”
“Nah.”
“I can’t.”
“I have to pass.”
You don’t owe anyone a story. “No” is a complete sentence—and a powerful one at that.
Saying “No” Creates Room for What Actually Matters
When your schedule is cluttered with obligations you don’t want, it leaves little space for the things that bring you joy, peace, or growth. Saying “no” is how you reclaim your time and create room for you. That might look like more rest, deeper relationships, creative time, or just a few blissful hours doing nothing. Think of it this way: every time you say “no” to something that drains you, you’re saying “yes” to yourself and things that excite you.
It Gets Easier With Practice
If saying “no” feels hard right now, that’s okay. You’re not doing it wrong—it just means you’re stretching a new muscle. It’s normal to feel awkward, guilty, or nervous at first. That doesn’t mean you should stop. It means you’re growing. Start small. Practice in low-stakes situations. Build confidence over time. Like any superpower, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
Final Thoughts
Saying “no” is not a rejection of others—it’s a commitment to yourself. And when you start treating your time, energy, and emotional health like they’re precious (because they are), the world begins to rise to meet you differently. So here’s your gentle reminder: you’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to choose yourself. And you’re allowed to say “no”—without guilt, apology, or explanation.
Learn How to Say “No” From a Therapist in New York
If you’re still struggling with saying “no", know that you're not alone, and you don’t have to figure it all out before reaching out. Start small. You can schedule a consultation with The Lavender Therapy to get support from a caring therapist across New York. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
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About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based licensed psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction and parent burnout. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor’s and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
