Addressing Infertility with Loved Ones: How to Talk About the Hard Stuff
Let’s be honest—talking about infertility with the people you love can feel like walking a tightrope over a canyon of emotions – particularly the shitty ones.
There’s no easy script, no one-size-fits-all way to open up about something so deeply personal and often painful. But if you're navigating this path, you're not alone—and you don’t have to carry it all in silence.
Infertility impacts millions of people, yet it can still feel like a secret struggle. And when you’re in it, well-meaning comments from family and friends can sometimes hurt more than help. So, how do you talk about infertility with the people in your life while protecting your emotional well-being?
Here are a few gentle ways to approach these conversations, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start.
Give Yourself Permission to Share (or Not)
First things first: you get to decide what you share, how much you share, and with whom. There’s no pressure to explain every detail or answer every question. It’s okay to say, “I’m going through something tough right now, and I’m not ready to talk about it,” or “I’d love your support, but I’m not looking for advice.” Infertility is medical, emotional, and often wrought with questions that neither you nor science has the answer for right now. In fact, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), up to 30% of infertility diagnoses are unexplained. Therefore, you don’t owe anyone a breakdown of your journey unless you want to share it.
Prep for the Conversation
If you're ready to open up to someone, a little prep can help. Think about what you want to say and how much detail feels right for you. Some people find it helpful to write down a few talking points or even practice what they’ll say ahead of time. You could start with something like:
“Hey, I wanted to share something personal I’ve been going through. It’s been a hard journey, and I’m still figuring out how to talk about it, but I’d really appreciate your support.”
You don’t need to have all the answers – just starting the conversation is a huge step.
Set Boundaries Around Advice and Questions
This is a big one. People often mean well, but their advice —“just relax,” “have you tried X, Y, or Z?”, or “this is the easy part, just have sex!”—can feel dismissive or invalidating. It’s okay to set boundaries. You might say: “I know you’re trying to help, but what I need most right now is someone to listen, not to solve it” or “I have a medical team that is taking great care of me, what I need is help processing this.” Boundaries aren’t walls— when setting appropriate boundaries, they can become bridges to healthier, more respectful conversations and lasting relationships.
Let People Support You
Not everyone will get it—and that’s okay. But some will surprise you with their compassion, patience, and understanding. Let those people show up for you, whether it’s through texts, coffee dates, or just sitting in silence when the words are too heavy. You can even tell your loved ones how best to support you. Maybe it’s checking in now and then, grabbing lunch together, offering distractions, or just saying, “I’m here when you’re ready.”
Know When to Protect Your Peace
Sometimes, protecting your mental and emotional space means limiting contact with people who just don’t get it. If certain conversations consistently leave you feeling worse, it’s okay to take a step back or shift the subject. Your peace matters. Your grief matters. And your healing deserves room to breathe.
Final Thoughts
Infertility can feel like a lonely road, but the right support can make all the difference. Whether you choose to open up or keep things close to your chest, know that your experience is valid, and your feelings are real. Take your time. Speak your truth in your own way. And above all, be gentle with yourself—you’re doing the best you can with something incredibly hard.
Start Working With an Infertility Therapist in Manhattan, NY
Looking for more support around infertility, boundaries, or emotional wellness? Therapy with me can be a safe place to unpack it all. You don’t have to carry this alone. You can start your therapy journey with a caring therapist at The Lavender Therapy by following these simple steps:
Learn more about infertility in my blogs here.
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Other Services I Offer Anywhere in New York
Infertility and pregnancy loss support isn’t the only service offered with The Lavender Therapy. I provide a variety of specialized services to support you and your mental health. I also offer support with postpartum and pregnancy challenges, women’s therapy, or family planning, Visit my blog or about page to learn more helpful info today!
About The Author:
Dr. Ruby Rhoden is a New York-based licensed psychologist who is dedicated to uplifting women through life changes and challenges, including reproduction and parent burnout. She understands how unhelpful behavior patterns and mental health disorders uniquely impact women and uses evidence-based techniques to usher in sustainable change and relief. Dr. Ruby is dedicated to helping women develop healthier habits and relationships with themselves and their bodies so they can connect to others and the world around them again. Dr. Ruby studied at Cornell University and Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey for her Bachelor’s and Doctoral degrees, respectively. In her free time, she enjoys watching reality TV, supporting small businesses, and writing blog posts to remind all women that they are not alone.
